[ he's looking at her so unkindly. that's familiar enough. then he speaks, emphasizes, and her own expression schools into white-knuckled neutrality. lips pursed, chin lifted. she has to wrap her tail around her own leg, tight beneath the falls of skirt.
it's him. Alec Brennan did everything she didn't know how to do. ]
You do not know me. Henry took us down to naked bones, nothing left to disguise how alike we are. Has he ever told you that, or only this? I could not rest until he made me see it! It was so very painful process, but he looked at me without flinching! And I took too long to see it for its preciousness, so same thing that always happens--I do not need to explain myself to you!
[ He doesn't know all that outright, no. He knows that Henry sincerely considers (considered?) her a friend. Given what he knows about Henry, he's assumed that must mean they have something in common.
A lot in common, apparently. ]
You don't? And you were so close to doing it, too. Look, if you're gonna tell me that this always happens to you, that everything you want always slips out of your fingers, I don't give a fuck. That moment should have never been about you in the first place.
What moment? Mistletoe? Moment he finally tells me decision was already made without me—that moment? Or do you mean "moment you, Alec Brennan, asked him to go with you, and he said he will"? [ she raises a shaking finger and points it at him, very close to a tearful kind of rage ] Because I was never angry about that! For him to have any connection, and future, and freedom—?! You think I am not caring if he has that unless it comes from me? Did he say that?
You do everything perfect, do you? Alec Brennan, most flawless man alive?! [ vibrating finely, her tail has come unfurled so it can lash back and forth ] I say to him, let me go, and he pressed, and pushed, and wheedled until he had something he could drag back to you. Mudak! You would find reason to blame me still, even if I had walked—
[ and she so prideful, so angry, i have been wronged, how dare you accuse me of wrongdoing ]
Everyone thinks like that! Oh, but I forgot: you have never made promise you cannot keep! You never look back and think you should have done better! Of course!
but her hand is up, and the muscles in her jaw are rippling tense from the effort of holding herself back. are you stupid, woman? are you really stupid? ]
Sit down. [ gives him a bullying push, you know, those little shoves that namely jostle, harry ] Shut up. I have apologized to you. But you have to get last word, hm? So righteous, you. Feel good? [ another shove ] Make you feel like big man?
[ THERE'S NOWHERE FOR HIM TO SIT DOWN, SPREZZATURA.
But jostle him she does, he shrinks back half a step under her little onslaught, though no more than that. He is, for better or worse, so hard to needle in an effective way. Their styles of self-loathing clash hard. Her need to be liked and accepted, and his mask of smugness and sarcasm that keeps people at bay.
He does not care how many insults and jabs she throws at him. It doesn't matter because they're the words he expects to hear.
Swats her hands away. ]
If you think I need to step all over you just for a little ego boost, then you're sorely mistaken. Get over yourself.
Step on me? You? [ acidly: ] You are so far beneath me you could not reach.
[ one final bitchy shove for the road. she lets the kick of it in her shoulder turn her from him—now she's leaving, and whatever pithy final barb he tries to bury in her, she's not going to rise to it. she's not going to rise to it. she's not going to rise to it. ]
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striketwice) wrote2022-10-02 07:47 pm
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it's him. Alec Brennan did everything she didn't know how to do. ]
You think I think I own him?
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You tell me. I wasn't aware we were having a race. I didn't realize your fucking pride was on the line.
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I did not mean it like that.
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Then what the hell could you possibly have meant?
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A lot in common, apparently. ]
You don't? And you were so close to doing it, too. Look, if you're gonna tell me that this always happens to you, that everything you want always slips out of your fingers, I don't give a fuck. That moment should have never been about you in the first place.
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[ He's not afraid of her. He wasn't afraid of her stupid oni, and he's not afraid of her outrage now. ]
So fuck off. If that's how you felt you should have said good for you and left it at that.
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Alec is so very rarely kind. And he is not at all inclined to be kind to her. No, he's very far from perfect. His flaws run deep and dark. ]
Who even thinks like that? Why was it a failing of yours in the first fucking place?
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Everyone thinks like that! Oh, but I forgot: you have never made promise you cannot keep! You never look back and think you should have done better! Of course!
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no. no. she does not fucking slap him.
but her hand is up, and the muscles in her jaw are rippling tense from the effort of holding herself back. are you stupid, woman? are you really stupid? ]
I've apologized.
[ so now she can leave. ]
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I told you. He's not the one who's mad at you. He still wants to be your friend.
I don't. So let's just leave it at that, huh?
/2
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Sit down. [ gives him a bullying push, you know, those little shoves that namely jostle, harry ] Shut up. I have apologized to you. But you have to get last word, hm? So righteous, you. Feel good? [ another shove ] Make you feel like big man?
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But jostle him she does, he shrinks back half a step under her little onslaught, though no more than that. He is, for better or worse, so hard to needle in an effective way. Their styles of self-loathing clash hard. Her need to be liked and accepted, and his mask of smugness and sarcasm that keeps people at bay.
He does not care how many insults and jabs she throws at him. It doesn't matter because they're the words he expects to hear.
Swats her hands away. ]
If you think I need to step all over you just for a little ego boost, then you're sorely mistaken. Get over yourself.
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[ one final bitchy shove for the road. she lets the kick of it in her shoulder turn her from him—now she's leaving, and whatever pithy final barb he tries to bury in her, she's not going to rise to it. she's not going to rise to it. she's not going to rise to it. ]
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