You're the only person who know what happened to my mom. The only one who understands the nature of what I do... of who I am. You're the first person I've ever let willingly into my head. The first person I've fallen asleep next to in a long, long time.
[In his adult years, Henry never doubted that he was different, or special, though there has never been a time in his life when he wanted this to apply more to a single person — someone who would view him that way, as preciously as he views him in turn.
Each and every item on that figurative list is elevating. Not that there was ever any doubt by now, but it means that they are secure in each other’s hearts, and what better way to feel safe, and close, and to have his life so blissfully tangled up in Alec’s?]
Privileges, all of them. I won’t squander any of it.
[And he means that. His chest feels tight again.]
I feel like I could make a little list of things for you, too.
[Oh, the list would be long if Henry had to tease out every single little detail — ranging from experiences utterly mundane to their time spent in the bedroom together. But he rather chooses to make it parallel to Alec’s, this time:]
Well, let’s see. You’re the only one who knows what happened to the children in the lab. I don’t trust anyone else to understand.
[He’s sure no one would. But Alec seems to understand so much of him.]
You’re the first who I was able to show parts of myself that I didn’t even want to acknowledge.
[Being broken. Unfitting with the rest of the world. Alone.]
You’re the first who didn’t so much as balk at seeing what I really am. And you’re the only person I care ever to fall asleep next to.
[Does it even need to be said at this point? Yes, a hundred times over:] You’re the first person I’ve ever really loved, too. The only person I’ll ever need.
[ These are all things he knows already, or at least very heavily suspected. Surely someone like Sprezzatura must know the details of Henry's past, but not all of them apparently.
There is so much here that is just for him. Not all of it is pretty, but that's part of the point. That ugliness, the brokenness, matters just as much as the rest. Henry matters. ]
I'm glad. For all of it. [ He slides his fingers through Henry's hair again. ] For you.
[No, he's pretty sure that a lot of people draw the line at "murdering my brothers and sisters to save them and keep them close (and add their powers to mine)". He isn't completely sure that Sprezzatura is an exception to that rule, and after everything? Maybe it's better to keep that tidbit hidden. Only Alec needs to know.
Only Alec has accepted every part of him, even the facets that would scare others away, after all.
He just makes a little "mmn" noise of comfort, and the edge of his lips can probably be felt as a smile, where part of his face is pressed against Alec's chest.]
Good. Because I'm looking forward to more "firsts" and "onlys", and hopefully soon.
But it’s said with the kind of lazy non-conviction of a man that really is comfortable enough to doze off at any moment. And this time—in a few minutes more, at least—Henry will be the first one to be taken in by sleep, feeling secure next to the man that so much of his life now revolves around.]
[ Alec rolls his eyes, as if to say, "Yeah, right" but he stays quiet anyway. The sleepy, contented atmosphere is catching, and he's happy to just watch as Henry drifts off. Now it's his turn to see the way sleep softens the other man, to watch him slip into a state of vulnerability. It feels like he's witnessing a precious secret.
He's not far behind, letting sleep claim him, one arm still loose around Henry. Weird to think they'll both still be there in the morning, and even weirder to realize that he's more than okay with that. Looking forward to it, even.
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striketwice) wrote2022-10-02 07:47 pm
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That I’m singular. Special, in that you’ll only accept those kinds of compliments from me.
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You're singular and special in a lot of ways.
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One of a kind. [get it]
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That's not what I meant.
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Then what?
[But maybe he just likes to hear it spoken.]
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[ There's a lot. ]
You're the only person who know what happened to my mom. The only one who understands the nature of what I do... of who I am. You're the first person I've ever let willingly into my head. The first person I've fallen asleep next to in a long, long time.
You're the only person I've ever loved.
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Each and every item on that figurative list is elevating. Not that there was ever any doubt by now, but it means that they are secure in each other’s hearts, and what better way to feel safe, and close, and to have his life so blissfully tangled up in Alec’s?]
Privileges, all of them. I won’t squander any of it.
[And he means that. His chest feels tight again.]
I feel like I could make a little list of things for you, too.
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[ He suspects that he was a first for Henry in many, many ways, though he's always been a bit curious about the scope of it. ]
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Well, let’s see. You’re the only one who knows what happened to the children in the lab. I don’t trust anyone else to understand.
[He’s sure no one would. But Alec seems to understand so much of him.]
You’re the first who I was able to show parts of myself that I didn’t even want to acknowledge.
[Being broken. Unfitting with the rest of the world. Alone.]
You’re the first who didn’t so much as balk at seeing what I really am. And you’re the only person I care ever to fall asleep next to.
[Does it even need to be said at this point? Yes, a hundred times over:] You’re the first person I’ve ever really loved, too. The only person I’ll ever need.
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There is so much here that is just for him. Not all of it is pretty, but that's part of the point. That ugliness, the brokenness, matters just as much as the rest. Henry matters. ]
I'm glad. For all of it. [ He slides his fingers through Henry's hair again. ] For you.
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Only Alec has accepted every part of him, even the facets that would scare others away, after all.
He just makes a little "mmn" noise of comfort, and the edge of his lips can probably be felt as a smile, where part of his face is pressed against Alec's chest.]
Good. Because I'm looking forward to more "firsts" and "onlys", and hopefully soon.
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[ For better or worse. Alec's never really shared his space, his life, with anyone else before. There's bound to be some teething issues. ]
Hopefully soon.
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For now... here's another first. Me sleeping in your bed. Promise not to sketch you as you doze off this time.
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Thanks. I'd appreciate it if you stayed right here instead, actually.
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It might take some convincing.
[It will take none. He’s as comfortable as he could possibly be.]
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[ So fond.
They're both like a pair of contented cats, lazing about and ready to doze. ]
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[Says the lying liar.
But it’s said with the kind of lazy non-conviction of a man that really is comfortable enough to doze off at any moment. And this time—in a few minutes more, at least—Henry will be the first one to be taken in by sleep, feeling secure next to the man that so much of his life now revolves around.]
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He's not far behind, letting sleep claim him, one arm still loose around Henry. Weird to think they'll both still be there in the morning, and even weirder to realize that he's more than okay with that. Looking forward to it, even.
This prison is truly a strange place. ]