[Ah, the words of someone who expects to disappoint other people. Henry knows it when he sees it, hears it. He's a master of teasing out painful, raw things, though he doesn't ever mean to with Alec.
But they've seen each other's core, the insecurities that lie buried deep, deep beneath. He knows when he treads upon something a little less unsteady than the rest, purposeful or not.]
...If they can't appreciate every part of you [even the sharp edges, the ugliness, the anger] then yes. They're not worth the time.
[ Truly that's not a sentiment he ever expected to have turned his way. He always thought that the second he let someone close, close enough to see the twisted mess of his heart, that it would become more about the things he should change. Any sensible person would want him to be better, and when he failed to do that, they would simply leave him behind.
And that would be just what he deserves.
Instead, he's found someone just as twisted and broken as himself. Someone who doesn't ask for more than that. What an absolutely bizarre twist of fate, but he wouldn't trade this for the world. Better is for other people. This is all he needs. ]
It hardly matters now, anyway. Just bear with me. I'm trying to figure out how to navigate caring about somebody this much.
[A shared feeling. A light chuckle as he drops his hand down, if just to rest against Alec’s ribs.]
I won’t disappoint. [You’re stuck with him.] And besides, I had meant what I said as a compliment. That you must’ve disappointed people because you’ve deprived them of such handsome company.
You're the only person who know what happened to my mom. The only one who understands the nature of what I do... of who I am. You're the first person I've ever let willingly into my head. The first person I've fallen asleep next to in a long, long time.
[In his adult years, Henry never doubted that he was different, or special, though there has never been a time in his life when he wanted this to apply more to a single person — someone who would view him that way, as preciously as he views him in turn.
Each and every item on that figurative list is elevating. Not that there was ever any doubt by now, but it means that they are secure in each other’s hearts, and what better way to feel safe, and close, and to have his life so blissfully tangled up in Alec’s?]
Privileges, all of them. I won’t squander any of it.
[And he means that. His chest feels tight again.]
I feel like I could make a little list of things for you, too.
[Oh, the list would be long if Henry had to tease out every single little detail — ranging from experiences utterly mundane to their time spent in the bedroom together. But he rather chooses to make it parallel to Alec’s, this time:]
Well, let’s see. You’re the only one who knows what happened to the children in the lab. I don’t trust anyone else to understand.
[He’s sure no one would. But Alec seems to understand so much of him.]
You’re the first who I was able to show parts of myself that I didn’t even want to acknowledge.
[Being broken. Unfitting with the rest of the world. Alone.]
You’re the first who didn’t so much as balk at seeing what I really am. And you’re the only person I care ever to fall asleep next to.
[Does it even need to be said at this point? Yes, a hundred times over:] You’re the first person I’ve ever really loved, too. The only person I’ll ever need.
[ These are all things he knows already, or at least very heavily suspected. Surely someone like Sprezzatura must know the details of Henry's past, but not all of them apparently.
There is so much here that is just for him. Not all of it is pretty, but that's part of the point. That ugliness, the brokenness, matters just as much as the rest. Henry matters. ]
I'm glad. For all of it. [ He slides his fingers through Henry's hair again. ] For you.
[No, he's pretty sure that a lot of people draw the line at "murdering my brothers and sisters to save them and keep them close (and add their powers to mine)". He isn't completely sure that Sprezzatura is an exception to that rule, and after everything? Maybe it's better to keep that tidbit hidden. Only Alec needs to know.
Only Alec has accepted every part of him, even the facets that would scare others away, after all.
He just makes a little "mmn" noise of comfort, and the edge of his lips can probably be felt as a smile, where part of his face is pressed against Alec's chest.]
Good. Because I'm looking forward to more "firsts" and "onlys", and hopefully soon.
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striketwice) wrote2022-10-02 07:47 pm
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But they've seen each other's core, the insecurities that lie buried deep, deep beneath. He knows when he treads upon something a little less unsteady than the rest, purposeful or not.]
...If they can't appreciate every part of you [even the sharp edges, the ugliness, the anger] then yes. They're not worth the time.
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And that would be just what he deserves.
Instead, he's found someone just as twisted and broken as himself. Someone who doesn't ask for more than that. What an absolutely bizarre twist of fate, but he wouldn't trade this for the world. Better is for other people. This is all he needs. ]
It hardly matters now, anyway. Just bear with me. I'm trying to figure out how to navigate caring about somebody this much.
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It’s Henry’s turn to reach out, turning Alec’s face gently so that he meets his own red-blue gaze dead on.]
Bear with you? You have all the time you need, because I’m never leaving you.
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I'm holding you to that, Henry.
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I won’t disappoint. [You’re stuck with him.] And besides, I had meant what I said as a compliment. That you must’ve disappointed people because you’ve deprived them of such handsome company.
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[ It will get him nowhere, mostly because he truly has nowhere left to go. ]
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Now who’s the flatterer?
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How is that flattering?
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That I’m singular. Special, in that you’ll only accept those kinds of compliments from me.
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You're singular and special in a lot of ways.
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One of a kind. [get it]
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That's not what I meant.
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Then what?
[But maybe he just likes to hear it spoken.]
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[ There's a lot. ]
You're the only person who know what happened to my mom. The only one who understands the nature of what I do... of who I am. You're the first person I've ever let willingly into my head. The first person I've fallen asleep next to in a long, long time.
You're the only person I've ever loved.
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Each and every item on that figurative list is elevating. Not that there was ever any doubt by now, but it means that they are secure in each other’s hearts, and what better way to feel safe, and close, and to have his life so blissfully tangled up in Alec’s?]
Privileges, all of them. I won’t squander any of it.
[And he means that. His chest feels tight again.]
I feel like I could make a little list of things for you, too.
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[ He suspects that he was a first for Henry in many, many ways, though he's always been a bit curious about the scope of it. ]
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Well, let’s see. You’re the only one who knows what happened to the children in the lab. I don’t trust anyone else to understand.
[He’s sure no one would. But Alec seems to understand so much of him.]
You’re the first who I was able to show parts of myself that I didn’t even want to acknowledge.
[Being broken. Unfitting with the rest of the world. Alone.]
You’re the first who didn’t so much as balk at seeing what I really am. And you’re the only person I care ever to fall asleep next to.
[Does it even need to be said at this point? Yes, a hundred times over:] You’re the first person I’ve ever really loved, too. The only person I’ll ever need.
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There is so much here that is just for him. Not all of it is pretty, but that's part of the point. That ugliness, the brokenness, matters just as much as the rest. Henry matters. ]
I'm glad. For all of it. [ He slides his fingers through Henry's hair again. ] For you.
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Only Alec has accepted every part of him, even the facets that would scare others away, after all.
He just makes a little "mmn" noise of comfort, and the edge of his lips can probably be felt as a smile, where part of his face is pressed against Alec's chest.]
Good. Because I'm looking forward to more "firsts" and "onlys", and hopefully soon.
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[ For better or worse. Alec's never really shared his space, his life, with anyone else before. There's bound to be some teething issues. ]
Hopefully soon.
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For now... here's another first. Me sleeping in your bed. Promise not to sketch you as you doze off this time.
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Thanks. I'd appreciate it if you stayed right here instead, actually.
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It might take some convincing.
[It will take none. He’s as comfortable as he could possibly be.]
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