[ The feeling, or the lack of them rather, haunts him. It was only for a few hours that he was left to wander as a husk of himself, but that was enough. He's never going to forget that godawful feeling. ]
[Maybe that's an unfair ask, given that this instance of Alec "leaving" was well beyond his control. But some deeply shaken part of Henry needs to hear it in this moment.]
[ Yeah, he knows that's not something he can promise with any certainty, but... well. That doesn't really matter much right now. He could never deny Henry anything, even the impossible. ]
[You had better keep that promise, Alec Brennan. He will obliterate any unkind world that steals you away from him.
He’s quiet for a moment, before Henry just… pulls him into a hug. It’s as tight as he can manage in his state. And he lets out a shuddering breath, something finally uncoiling inside.]
[ A tight a hug as Henry can manage in this state is probably not very tight at all, Mr. Noodle Arms. Still, Alec returns it tenfold, gripping him tight. ]
I've got you.
[ And when Henry looses that breath, something seems to unwind in them both, because Alec's quiet for a beat more, and then: ]
[ He lets out an exhale that might be distant relatives with a laugh. ]
Sure. Let's get me to the dorm.
[ For a small mercy, they're near enough to one of his portals that he can just open the thing up from here and guide Henry through, straight to his room. ]
And Alec’s bed looks very tempting now that he’s here, but he doesn’t immediately cross over to it.]
Do you need anything? Now that you’re back.
[Yes, he’s going to tend to Alec — or at least he thinks he’s going to. The rest of the team is probably fine. He has a vague notion of them recovering during his anger-addled gaze, he supposes it must be rooted in truth somehow.]
[ Alec has some recollection of a gunshot before he got poofed the fuck out of their stupid conference room, so who knows what happened there. Also, like, regardless of anything, Komaeda is still missing a leg. ]
I need you to sit down and let me get you cleaned up. And then, I'm gonna need you to get some fucking rest, okay?
[Oh, Alec. That look in his eyes destroys what shred of resistance Henry had, small as it ever was.
Like he could ever tell him no.]
...Okay.
[He makes his way over to Alec's bed and sits. Sits in way that looks more like his legs giving out than gracefully lowering himself onto the mattress, but it's been... a time. And once he's seated, he wonders how he ever managed to stand at all.]
[ Oh, Henry. Something in Alec's chest twist watching him all but collapse. There was... truly nothing he could have done to prevent what happened to him, but even so he feels like if he had just been just a little bit faster, a little bit stronger, maybe...
God. What a useless fucking way to think.
He ducks briefly into the bathroom and returns shortly with a damp cloth. It's gentle, the way he sits down next to Henry, guiding him to look at him with a hand at his chin so he can begin to wipe away the blood and grime and sweat. ]
[The moments pass, and it becomes clearer that he won't be moving from this bed for a while yet. Every limb is useless. Even when Alec returns, it feels like an effort just to tilt his head here and there to let him wipe away the grime and matted blood, even if he is guided by his touch.
Still, it's the most relaxed he's felt since the start of the last game; relieved, but in that hollowed-out, exhausted way.
But then he hears the tone of Alec's voice, and his eyes flutter open again.]
It wasn't you.
[Alec, with his heart missing, with his desires gone... It just wasn't him. If he's apologizing for the things he said, the way Henry's world collapsed in on itself, then he should harbor no blame for it.]
It was me. I said them, and I'm always going to remember I said them.
[ That's the thing about wizards. It's written into the complex nature of their magic, the length of their lives. They remember. And they will always remember. It's just how they're wired. It's a gift, in a lot of ways, and a curse in so many others.
Alec is going to carry this day, the terrible feeling of hollowness with him for decades to come. He's going to always recall how Henry looked at him, pleaded with him, and how he could not even summon the will to care.
And in the middle of all of this, he has the brief, startling, lightning-flash of a thought of, Oh my god, this is how Sprezzatura feels.
What the fuck.
He shakes his head, breathes out a sigh, and rests his hand on the side of Henry's face. ]
It's okay. Just... raw, is all. I don't ever want to do anything like that to you again.
[Will he always remember how that felt, then, to be missing his heart? Always remember the things he said? Henry frowns even as he tilts his head into Alec’s touch. How dare someone do this to him, how dare they make him experience what it is to feel hollow, purposeless, adrift and uncaring.
How dare they? To his Alec?]
…Listen to me.
[He raises his hand, and cups him gently (weakly) along his jaw.]
I forgive you. I’d forgive you for anything, so forgive yourself, too.
[ Henry is probably a bit too tired to properly collect the pieces and conclude how well it will stick in his mind. Bright and vibrant and as real as the day he was whisked away from his home to land here in the prison. As sharp as the sights and sounds and smells of the Chicago Riverwalk in autumn. It will always be there.
But, for a blessing, he has Henry to pull him out of his thoughts, to help shove those memories back in the deep dark place where he keeps the death of his father, and the long torment of his childhood.
Listen to me, he says. And Alec does. ]
Henry... [ He leans into the hand on his face, presses into the warmth of Henry's palm. That touch, weak though it is, is grounding. ] I'll get there. I promise.
[Henry Creel, the man who only ever wants to unearth the bad memories… only wishes to quash them in Alec, now. That day when he was so, so interested in viewing the worst night of Alec’s life feels so distant. For a while now, he’s only ever wanted him to be happy — that’s all that matters.
All that matters…]
Good. Because all that matters is that you’re here with me now.
[He closes that barely-there space between them, and kisses him in a way that is rare for Henry — just gentle, just comforting. Just existing in a reality where Alec is no longer stolen from him. The last bit of his energy, for this.]
[ Oh. Yes, they both need this. Something uncharacteristically gentle, some kind of warmth and reassurance that the other is there and real and that the worst is well and truly behind them. Alec gives himself to this moment, this kiss, this man.
After a long, long moment that somehow doesn't feel quite long enough, they finally part, though Alec chases one more brief, sweet kiss, planted on the corner of Henry's mouth. ]
I love you. No one's ever going to take that from me again.
[They both desperately need it. What a shame that it has to end, though he manages a very weak smile when Alec steals away one more kiss at the corner of his mouth.]
I love you, too. And I won't let anyone take you from me ever again.
[He won't. He won't, he won't, he won't. He'll unearth the violence and anger from earlier and increase it a hundredfold if he has to, just to ensure this man never, never leaves him again.
...Of course, he'll have to take a nice long nap before any of that. He could use one of those right now, his form slouching a little, hands moving down to press at the mattress on either side of him to keep upright.]
[ They should probably have a talk about what did happen. Henry looks like hell, and he can only imagine that's because he went on a rampage. But he can also barely keep himself upright at the moment. Later, then. ]
You should rest. I need to go make sure Nagito and Cyllene and the rest are okay, but I'll be back before you wake up. Promise.
[He just nods. No more resistance to flare in Henry now. No more stubbornness.]
Try not to run into any trouble.
[He tries to be wry, but also. Please don't.
He'll situate himself to lie down, not even bothering to kick off his shoes, or wrangle himself beneath the sheets, whenever Alec decides to head out. He's practically out cold before his head hits the pillow.]
[ He will do Henry the service of tugging his shoes off and placing a blanket over him before he goes, then. Then it's off to the rest of the prison. To collect coins and healing cards, to yell at probably the one member of Tsuchigumo who deserves it the least, to visit Cyllene and Nagito and whoever else.
And at some point, he portals his way back into the room, and plops down at the desk. Whenever Henry wakes, he'll find Alec's still there, pouring over his books without really seeming to read the pages. ]
[His sleep is impossibly deep, and maybe blessedly dreamless.
And when Henry finally stirs, he still feels slow and sluggish. Heavy, in every way possible. But awaken, he does, finding himself beneath the bedsheets, having slept on his side -- so when he opens his eyes, he sees Alec sitting there at his desk, just like he promised.
He slowly sits up, propping himself on his elbow first to do so. He feels... 15 percent better. Which is a marked improvement when he was sitting at 0 before.]
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striketwice) wrote2022-10-02 07:47 pm
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You were so empty.
[Lowers his head to rest his forehead on Alec's shoulder, eyes closing.]
You can't ever do that again. I can't- [Fingers clenching tighter.] If you ever leave, I don't have anything left.
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[ The feeling, or the lack of them rather, haunts him. It was only for a few hours that he was left to wander as a husk of himself, but that was enough. He's never going to forget that godawful feeling. ]
I'm not going anywhere Henry. Never again.
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[Maybe that's an unfair ask, given that this instance of Alec "leaving" was well beyond his control. But some deeply shaken part of Henry needs to hear it in this moment.]
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I promise.
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He’s quiet for a moment, before Henry just… pulls him into a hug. It’s as tight as he can manage in his state. And he lets out a shuddering breath, something finally uncoiling inside.]
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I've got you.
[ And when Henry looses that breath, something seems to unwind in them both, because Alec's quiet for a beat more, and then: ]
You look like shit, you know that?
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I feel like shit, too.
[Buddy you don’t even know the things he’s been up to since you were de-hearted.]
…we should get you back to the dorm.
[Like Alec’s the one that needs a lie-down.]
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Sure. Let's get me to the dorm.
[ For a small mercy, they're near enough to one of his portals that he can just open the thing up from here and guide Henry through, straight to his room. ]
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And Alec’s bed looks very tempting now that he’s here, but he doesn’t immediately cross over to it.]
Do you need anything? Now that you’re back.
[Yes, he’s going to tend to Alec — or at least he thinks he’s going to. The rest of the team is probably fine. He has a vague notion of them recovering during his anger-addled gaze, he supposes it must be rooted in truth somehow.]
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I need you to sit down and let me get you cleaned up. And then, I'm gonna need you to get some fucking rest, okay?
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Alec... After everything you've been through, I don't need you fussing over me right now.
[Says the man who looks like shit. Pointedly not sitting down... yet.]
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It's what I need. So, please. Sit down.
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Like he could ever tell him no.]
...Okay.
[He makes his way over to Alec's bed and sits. Sits in way that looks more like his legs giving out than gracefully lowering himself onto the mattress, but it's been... a time. And once he's seated, he wonders how he ever managed to stand at all.]
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God. What a useless fucking way to think.
He ducks briefly into the bathroom and returns shortly with a damp cloth. It's gentle, the way he sits down next to Henry, guiding him to look at him with a hand at his chin so he can begin to wipe away the blood and grime and sweat. ]
I'm so sorry.
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Still, it's the most relaxed he's felt since the start of the last game; relieved, but in that hollowed-out, exhausted way.
But then he hears the tone of Alec's voice, and his eyes flutter open again.]
It wasn't you.
[Alec, with his heart missing, with his desires gone... It just wasn't him. If he's apologizing for the things he said, the way Henry's world collapsed in on itself, then he should harbor no blame for it.]
...Saying those things, I mean.
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[ That's the thing about wizards. It's written into the complex nature of their magic, the length of their lives. They remember. And they will always remember. It's just how they're wired. It's a gift, in a lot of ways, and a curse in so many others.
Alec is going to carry this day, the terrible feeling of hollowness with him for decades to come. He's going to always recall how Henry looked at him, pleaded with him, and how he could not even summon the will to care.
And in the middle of all of this, he has the brief, startling, lightning-flash of a thought of, Oh my god, this is how Sprezzatura feels.
What the fuck.
He shakes his head, breathes out a sigh, and rests his hand on the side of Henry's face. ]
It's okay. Just... raw, is all. I don't ever want to do anything like that to you again.
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How dare they? To his Alec?]
…Listen to me.
[He raises his hand, and cups him gently (weakly) along his jaw.]
I forgive you. I’d forgive you for anything, so forgive yourself, too.
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But, for a blessing, he has Henry to pull him out of his thoughts, to help shove those memories back in the deep dark place where he keeps the death of his father, and the long torment of his childhood.
Listen to me, he says. And Alec does. ]
Henry... [ He leans into the hand on his face, presses into the warmth of Henry's palm. That touch, weak though it is, is grounding. ] I'll get there. I promise.
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All that matters…]
Good. Because all that matters is that you’re here with me now.
[He closes that barely-there space between them, and kisses him in a way that is rare for Henry — just gentle, just comforting. Just existing in a reality where Alec is no longer stolen from him. The last bit of his energy, for this.]
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After a long, long moment that somehow doesn't feel quite long enough, they finally part, though Alec chases one more brief, sweet kiss, planted on the corner of Henry's mouth. ]
I love you. No one's ever going to take that from me again.
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I love you, too. And I won't let anyone take you from me ever again.
[He won't. He won't, he won't, he won't. He'll unearth the violence and anger from earlier and increase it a hundredfold if he has to, just to ensure this man never, never leaves him again.
...Of course, he'll have to take a nice long nap before any of that. He could use one of those right now, his form slouching a little, hands moving down to press at the mattress on either side of him to keep upright.]
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[ They should probably have a talk about what did happen. Henry looks like hell, and he can only imagine that's because he went on a rampage. But he can also barely keep himself upright at the moment. Later, then. ]
You should rest. I need to go make sure Nagito and Cyllene and the rest are okay, but I'll be back before you wake up. Promise.
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Try not to run into any trouble.
[He tries to be wry, but also. Please don't.
He'll situate himself to lie down, not even bothering to kick off his shoes, or wrangle himself beneath the sheets, whenever Alec decides to head out. He's practically out cold before his head hits the pillow.]
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And at some point, he portals his way back into the room, and plops down at the desk. Whenever Henry wakes, he'll find Alec's still there, pouring over his books without really seeming to read the pages. ]
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And when Henry finally stirs, he still feels slow and sluggish. Heavy, in every way possible. But awaken, he does, finding himself beneath the bedsheets, having slept on his side -- so when he opens his eyes, he sees Alec sitting there at his desk, just like he promised.
He slowly sits up, propping himself on his elbow first to do so. He feels... 15 percent better. Which is a marked improvement when he was sitting at 0 before.]
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